Kudos to the Fresno Bee who have informed the world about the Dastardly Spice and Sausage Attacker.
A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, Fresno County sheriff’s deputies said Saturday.
The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying “Pappy’s Seasoning” to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.
Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.
That’s right, the dog ate the weapon,” Burrimond said.
“I tell you, this was one weird case.”
You know, I said this would happen if they wound down the Guantanamo Bay camps. All those highly trained interrogators with knowledge of advanced torture techniques and nowhere to practice them.